In My Head
I am so sick of product parties. Partylite Candles, Longaberger Basket, Tastefully Simple, Mary Kay, Tupperware, and Creative Memories, I'm looking at you!
I mean really. I have better things to do than sit around with a bunch of other women to ooh and ahh about hydrangea-scented tealight candles or pineapple habanero pretzel dip. Christ.
The only thing worse than the parties are the stupid people themselves who sell this shit. I say "stupid" because I don't really think they have a clear idea of what good salesmanship entails. It means that you shouldn't automatically hit up your friends and relatives. If you want to sell, then go out and hit the pavement. Actually WORK for your sales. But don't assume that just because we're related (or work together, in some cases) I will buy whatever crap you're shilling this week.
Let me give you an example of this stupidity.
I have an acquaintance who I really don't know that well. She lives in NY. I only see her a few times a year, and we don't ever talk on the phone.
On the afternoon of August 23, 2005, we moved into our new house.
The very next day at 1 p.m., she called me. Because we have never called each other just to chat, I assumed that she was either calling to tell me she's pregnant or that something terrible has happened. Not the case. She made small talk with me for about ten minutes, asking how our move went and how we liked the new house, then started in with the sales pitch:
Her: "So, I just recently began my own business, Partylite Candles. Have you ever heard of it?"
Me: "Uh, yeah..."
Her: "And I was wondering if you would be interested in hosting a party for me."
Me: (without a moment's hesitation) "No."
Her: "No?" (I think she was so shocked that someone actually shot her down that she didn't know what else to say)
Me: "No. First of all, we just literally moved into this house less than twenty-four hours ago. I'm not ready to entertain here. Second, even if the house were in order, I just don't believe in that stuff. I don't feel it's polite or appropriate to ask my friends and family to come to my house and buy something. It's against my principles. I also don't go to those parties, either. I know a million people who have them, and they don't even bother to invite me anymore, because they know I'm just not into it."
Her: (dead silence)
Me: "But good luck with it!"
Can you believe the fucking nerve? What kind of idiot calls someone that she rarely sees or speaks to in the first place, on the day after that person moves into a new house, just to ask if that person will hold a party for their dumb "business" (I use that term loosely here)?
Another example: yesterday I got a funny joke email from another friend. I replied to her email by asking how she's been.
Her response? "Busy. Are you interested in hosting a home party or catalog sale for Partylite?"
FUCK!!!!!
Finally, let's not forget that pesky former coworker of mine who sells Mary Kay. I worked with this woman over five years ago. I haven't seen her in person since my wedding in 2002. She doesn't send me any holiday cards, never even bothers to respond to invitations I have sent her for barbecues and other get-togethers, but still manages to try to convince me to buy Mary Kay from her. Fortunately, she doesn't know my new email address or my new home mailing address, but damned if she doesn't try to weasel it out of a mutual friend every other week. Despite the fact that, when we lived in our old house, I called to tell her specifically to stop wasting postage mailing me invitations to her Mary Kay "Beauty Night" every month. You think she would've taken the hint then.
These people need to get a fucking life. I have visions in my head of just totally freaking out on the next person who asks me to get involved with this shit. Kind of like Michael Douglas in Falling Down.
OK, rant over.
Happy Friday!
Labels: bitching
