My friend sent me this link to a story about an American woman living in England who wrote that motherhood bores her. The comment my friend sent me with the link was "No, these kids won't be too scarred for life." After reading the article, I have to say I disagree with her.
When I was a kid, my mom didn't play with me all that much. Instead, she encouraged me to go outside and knock up for the other kids on my street and play with them. There were days that I hardly saw my mother, except at meal times, because I was so busy playing with the kids in my neighborhood. Yes, there were times she took me to the playground and pushed me on the swings, or occasionally treated me by taking me to Chuck E. Cheese--and that was HUGE deal; it wasn't an everyday occurrence. Hell, it wasn't even a MONTHLY occurrence. I had to do something pretty damn spectacular in order to spend the day at Chuck E. Cheese--like get very high marks on my report card.
But my mom didn't stop her life because of me. She worked part-time as an ER nurse, and if she had errands to run on her days off, she took me with her. I didn't have a choice about how we passed our days together. If we weren't out grocery shopping or going to the bank or the post office, she spent most of our time at home with her nose in a book. I was made to understand that adults were entitled to having some time away from kids, and I was perfectly OK with that. My mother often told me, in a most loving way, that it was not her job to entertain me constantly. So I learned to entertain myself. Sometimes it was hard, because I was an only child, so there weren't any siblings around to play with. Yet I found things to keep myself busy, by reading books and playing games by myself if the neighborhood kids weren't available. I give full credit to my parents for making me the independent person I am today.
From my observations, I would agree that many parents I've seen these days have become too child-centric. Children should learn to amuse and occupy themselves. I think it helps them grow. It's not good for kids to believe that it's all about them 24/7. Because when they grow up, their expectations are completely skewed.
I don't know. Maybe I wouldn't be a good parent. If you do read the linked article, be sure to click on the reader commentary -- I'm amazed by how divisive this piece is. There are some really harsh comments and it's clear how passionate people are on both sides of the issue.
But do you think the backlash this article is getting would be anywhere near as severe if it were written by a father? I don't think so!!!
In My HeadTuesday, May 09, 2006
The homicide rate in the city of Philadelphia in 2006 has reached 125. That comes out to almost one murder for every day of the year so far. If you were to turn on any of the major local news networks at any given time in this area, the big story always concerns how to reduce the crime rate in the city.
What do I think is the first step in stopping the cycle of violence and crime in Philadelphia?
Birth control. Young, uneducated women must stop having babies; otherwise, the cycle of welfare, drugs, crime, and violence will never end.
Think about it. That's where it all begins. Most young girls who get pregnant either stop their education at high school graduation or drop out altogether to have babies. In doing this, they have generally rendered themselves unqualified to land a skilled job. Many young mothers are raising their children without financial, physical, or emotional help from the father. Instead, they depend on public assistance and/or profits from criminal activities. When a child is raised in this type of environment, how do you think that child will end up? The cycle will continue. Sure, there may be a few who escape that life relatively unscathed (I sure as hell hope so), but I think for the most part, the same story will play itself out over and over again.
Why are young women having babies in the first place? Because they think that a child will allow them to experience unconditional love. Probably because their own mothers were young and uneducated when they had them, too. Maybe they truly don't understand the concept of birth control, and they don't know that a baby is a result of inserting Tab A into Slot B. Perhaps it's peer pressure: that's what they think they should do, because all their girlfriends and sisters and cousins are doing it. Or maybe they're just being careless. As someone who understood from a very young age that having a kid as a teenager or without a serious and lasting commitment from my partner would screw up not only my own life, but the kid's life too, I honestly don't know why anyone would choose to make a baby when the odds are so obviously stacked again her.
Birth control is the clear starting point to reduce the murder rate. It will not be effective immediately, but in the long run, I can't help but think it would change life in Philadelphia for the better. People like my parents, who believe birth control and premarital sex are sins, should pull their heads out of the sand and take a whiff of the real world: these kids are having sex, and nothing will prevent them or stop them from doing it. Further, I would venture to say that most teenagers who are having babies aren't benefitting from secure parenting themselves, so they're not getting good information or learning good decision-making skills at home.
My fervent wish is that someday, in the very near future, the Philadelphia public school system will make condoms and other forms of birth control available to preteens and teenagers. Educate them about anatomy and sex. Give these kids access to healthcare professionals who will answer their questions honestly and without judgment.
I completely agree that abstinence is the only 100% guaranteed way to avoid pregnancy, but to most young people, that is just not an option. Period.
/rant
Labels: bad news, deep thoughts, health, local news, parenting, Philadelphia, scary, sex
Posted by Lori at 5/09/2006 01:39:00 PM
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Monday, May 08, 2006
I did something this weekend that surprised even ME. I mean, I've been thinking about it for a while now...perhaps even a year or so...but what I bought on Sunday brought me just one step closer to the reality of what I believe will lead to the next chapter of my life.
I bought a basal thermometer.
I know...sounds ridiculous, doesn't it, because those five words appear so minor and meaningless. But you have to understand my position: I have spent over a decade trying to AVOID getting pregnant. So it feels fantastically and almost indescribably odd to turn in the other direction.
Scared to death and signing off for now...
I bought a basal thermometer.
I know...sounds ridiculous, doesn't it, because those five words appear so minor and meaningless. But you have to understand my position: I have spent over a decade trying to AVOID getting pregnant. So it feels fantastically and almost indescribably odd to turn in the other direction.
Scared to death and signing off for now...
Labels: decisions, health, life events, marriage, parenting, scary
Posted by Lori at 5/08/2006 01:14:00 PM
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Monday, October 31, 2005
You know, I have been insanely busy. I feel awful for neglecting this little piece of internet realty.
We rented the movie "Crash" on Friday night. What a powerful, interesting story! It really made me think. Definitely not a feel-good piece, though. At the end of it, I was quite disturbed for the remainder of the evening, even though it attempted to go out on a high note with the suggestion of redemption.
Overall, I thought it was an excellent movie. Of course, I think that any movie with Don Cheadle is great, so no surprise there. It featured quite an ensemble of actors: Sandra Bullock (in a decidedly different role), Matt Dillon, Thandie Newton, Ludacris (who I thought did a great job), Larenz Tate, Brendan Fraser, and Ryan Phillippe.
We spent most of the day Saturday painting our bedroom. Between Coat #1 and Coat #2, I did endless loads of laundry, and made French onion soup.
Time-out: can someone please tell me how two adults manage to create SO MUCH DIRTY LAUNDRY? I did four loads over the weekend, and when I opened the hamper this morning, it was full again! Maddening!
October 21 marked the beginning of my 28th year on this planet. The Huz surprised me with Rachael Ray's newest cookbook, and we went out to dinner with some friends of ours. It was a great time.
I can't believe I'm 28. It seems that all my life, I have been waiting for my chronological age to catch up with my perception of my maturity. In school, I often felt frustrated by my classmates, because they acted so much younger than I did. Most times, my good friends were several years older...I got along with them better, and felt that they understood me, too.
Now, however, it seems that it's going the other way for me. At what point will I feel like a "grown-up"? This is something I ponder all the time.
I am married with a mortgage. I have been working a full-time job since I was 21, and have even remained in the same industry. I have a platinum MasterCard and an impeccable credit rating. I subscribe to Reader's Digest (well...I didn't subsribe to it; my dad gave me a gift subscription to it...but still, I read it every month when it comes!). I garden and cook for pleasure, for pete's sake, which I had always considered "old people hobbies." I can't remember the last time I got sick from drinking too much. Yet, I still feel like a kid most of the time.
Last week, I received an invitation to my 10-year high school reunion, which is being held the Friday night after Thanksgiving. I decided to attend, just out of blatant curiosity, since I was never really close to anyone in my class. So after I RSVP'ed yes, I logged onto Classmates.com because I'm nosy, and wanted to see what my fellow Class of 1995 grads were up to. Many of them have a kid...or three!
I'm still not sure if I even want to be a parent. I like my life the way it is now! I only have to take care of myself, my two cats, and my husband (to a reasonable degree). I still cannot imagine being wholly responsible for another human being, 24/7. It scares me. I don't know where I'd get the energy to do it. And I'd be afraid to mess it up. Don't get me wrong, I loooove kids. Just can't imagine birthing and raising one at the moment.
Maybe if/when I have a kid, I'll finally feel like an adult. But still, not in any hurry to do it. Much to my mother-in-law's dismay. Ugh.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
We rented the movie "Crash" on Friday night. What a powerful, interesting story! It really made me think. Definitely not a feel-good piece, though. At the end of it, I was quite disturbed for the remainder of the evening, even though it attempted to go out on a high note with the suggestion of redemption.
Overall, I thought it was an excellent movie. Of course, I think that any movie with Don Cheadle is great, so no surprise there. It featured quite an ensemble of actors: Sandra Bullock (in a decidedly different role), Matt Dillon, Thandie Newton, Ludacris (who I thought did a great job), Larenz Tate, Brendan Fraser, and Ryan Phillippe.
We spent most of the day Saturday painting our bedroom. Between Coat #1 and Coat #2, I did endless loads of laundry, and made French onion soup.
Time-out: can someone please tell me how two adults manage to create SO MUCH DIRTY LAUNDRY? I did four loads over the weekend, and when I opened the hamper this morning, it was full again! Maddening!
October 21 marked the beginning of my 28th year on this planet. The Huz surprised me with Rachael Ray's newest cookbook, and we went out to dinner with some friends of ours. It was a great time.
I can't believe I'm 28. It seems that all my life, I have been waiting for my chronological age to catch up with my perception of my maturity. In school, I often felt frustrated by my classmates, because they acted so much younger than I did. Most times, my good friends were several years older...I got along with them better, and felt that they understood me, too.
Now, however, it seems that it's going the other way for me. At what point will I feel like a "grown-up"? This is something I ponder all the time.
I am married with a mortgage. I have been working a full-time job since I was 21, and have even remained in the same industry. I have a platinum MasterCard and an impeccable credit rating. I subscribe to Reader's Digest (well...I didn't subsribe to it; my dad gave me a gift subscription to it...but still, I read it every month when it comes!). I garden and cook for pleasure, for pete's sake, which I had always considered "old people hobbies." I can't remember the last time I got sick from drinking too much. Yet, I still feel like a kid most of the time.
Last week, I received an invitation to my 10-year high school reunion, which is being held the Friday night after Thanksgiving. I decided to attend, just out of blatant curiosity, since I was never really close to anyone in my class. So after I RSVP'ed yes, I logged onto Classmates.com because I'm nosy, and wanted to see what my fellow Class of 1995 grads were up to. Many of them have a kid...or three!
I'm still not sure if I even want to be a parent. I like my life the way it is now! I only have to take care of myself, my two cats, and my husband (to a reasonable degree). I still cannot imagine being wholly responsible for another human being, 24/7. It scares me. I don't know where I'd get the energy to do it. And I'd be afraid to mess it up. Don't get me wrong, I loooove kids. Just can't imagine birthing and raising one at the moment.
Maybe if/when I have a kid, I'll finally feel like an adult. But still, not in any hurry to do it. Much to my mother-in-law's dismay. Ugh.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
Labels: childhood, deep thoughts, holidays, home improvement, life events, memories, movies, parenting, weekends
Posted by Lori at 10/31/2005 11:45:00 AM
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