Hmmm. Seems I have a reader who logged in from a business located at 500 Monument Road...wonder who that could be?

Actually, I do have an idea who that might be.

Edited to add: actually, the address is 150 Monument Road, not 500 Monument Road. Thanks, anonymous commenter, for reminding me!

Let me tell you a nice little story. This is my homage to Ted Casablancas, the gossip columnist from E! That should clear up any questions about the language used in the story.

ONCE upon a time, there were two girls, Dizzy and Lulu, who were best friends from way back. They went to high school together, hung out all the time, were closer than sisters.

Dizzy had the unfortunate habit of dropping her friends every time a new guy entered her life. Lulu overlooked it for a while, because she enjoyed Dizzy's friendship and figured she would grow out of that behavior.

One day, Dizzy met a guy named Vittorio who came along and just swept her off her feet. Like always, Dizzy pulled away from her girlfriends in order to spend every waking moment with Vittorio. At first, Lulu put up with it, but soon she grew tired of Dizzy's disappearing act. Not only that, but Dizzy also shared some not-so-savory things about Vittorio with Lulu. Such as his penchant for calling her fat (Dizzy was a size 10! and was beautiful and statuesque), dicking Dizzy over when they had dates scheduled, and being generally abusive verbally and unavailable emotionally. Yet Dizzy would drop everything and run to Vittorio's beck and call every single time.

Well, Lulu eventually had heard and seen enough. She hated to see her best friend allowing herself to be mistreated, so she began making some noises about Vittorio. As you might imagine, Dizzy didn't take too kindly to this, and even though Lulu had been friends with Dizzy waaaay longer than Vittorio had been in Dizzy's life, guess whose side Dizzy took? Yeah, I know. The man always wins, right?

Then another complication arose: several months after Dizzy began dating Vittorio, Lulu herself began dating a very nice guy named BJ. Dizzy took it upon herself to begin some kind of completely fucked up competition, unbeknownst to Lulu, to see who would get engaged first. Lulu was completely unaware of this competition and in fact wasn't even THINKING of marriage at this point in her life. BJ, however, was. So when BJ popped the question to Lulu, and she said yes, guess who threw a hissy fit because she was NOT the winner of this imaginary contest? Yup. Dizzy was pissed with a capital P. She had been waiting and hoping and scheming and pretty much doing everything in her power to get Vittorio to propose to her, but Lulu (who couldn't have cared less about getting married in the first place!) went and got engaged first, even though BJ and Lulu had been dating five months' shorter than Dizzy and Vittorio. The nerve!!

Lulu, unaware of Dizzy's unhappiness with her betrothal, asked Dizzy to be in her wedding. Dizzy hemmed and hawed, refusing to give Lulu an answer for several weeks. In the meantime, Lulu designed a wedding website for BJ and her. The website was mostly for the benefit of BJ's mother and female relatives, who all lived out-of-state and who felt "out of the loop" of the wedding planning. Because Dizzy had not given Lulu a definitive "yes" or "no" answer about being in her wedding, Lulu didn't include Dizzy's name in the bridal party section of the wedding website.

Dizzy saw this as the perfect excuse to end the friendship. She called Lulu and told her "I just can't take this anymore. You designed a wedding website and didn't even put my name on it for the bridal party, so that does it. I will NOT be in your wedding, since you obviously don't want me to be in it."

Lulu had no idea how to react to this announcement. She felt like she was damned-if-she-did and damned-if-she-didn't. She wouldn't have dreamt of putting Dizzy's name in the bridal party section of her wedding website because Dizzy never committed to it, and Lulu didn't want to put Dizzy in an uncomfortable position. Yet Dizzy took offense to being excluded from the website anyway, even though she never did give Lulu an answer.

Unfortunately, Dizzy never even gave Lulu a chance to explain all this. She stopped taking Lulu's calls and never responded to Lulu's emailed pleas to discuss it.

THE END.

Pretty immature, huh?

Labels: friends, memories, technology, weird, writing