This sounds terribly cliche, I know, but for a couple days just before my period starts each month, I morph into a chocolate-craving madwoman. I almost don't recognize myself when I have these urges--it's like I'm a completely different person. And I've noticed that the cravings have become more pronounced as I age. Seriously. Any other time of the month, I could walk by stacks of chocolate (and most sweets, actually) and not even blink an eye. But around day 26 of my cycle, I find myself digging through my cabinets, desperately searching for even just a morsel of chocolately goodness.

Last month at that time, I discovered a box of Duncan Hines Chocolate Supreme brownie mix at the bottom of my pantry from 2004. I'm a little ashamed to admit that I tore that sucker open, dumped in a few eggs, some oil and water, and stirred like a maniac until that black gold concoction came together in my mixing bowl. I ate about eight heaping tablespoons of uncooked brownie mix, and dumped the rest right into the trash!

Well guess what, folks? Today is THAT day. And I was doing so well until about a few minutes ago! I had my cottage cheese/yogurt concoction for breakfast, a handful of shrimp cocktail for my snack at 10 a.m. (got some strange looks from coworkers but noshed away at my shrimp anyway--to hell with them!), and then enjoyed a toasted multigrain English muffin with some peanut butter at noon. Around 2 p.m., I started feeling those cravings. Initially I could refocus my mind on my work, but around 2:30 I was completely overcome with a dire need for chocolate. I felt I was gonna die if I didn't have that chocolate NOW, dammit!

First I scoured my desk. No luck. Then I canvassed my office, soliciting coworkers for their goodies. Usually they come through for me, but everyone came up empty-handed today. Boo. So I grabbed my wallet and went down to the first floor vending machine. Not a single chocolate item in there, people! I don't want no stinking Doritos! Yet there are about twelve different variations of the snack chip in that godforsaken machine. What has this world come to???

I knew then that I'd have to make a bold move...desperate times and all that jazz. With a look of steely determination firmly etched on my face, I announced to my coworkers that I was heading out across the parking lot to the other building in our office park, to check out the vending selection there. They smirked in response.

I wandered around the strange building across the way for almost ten minutes until I found the vending area. And I was victorious in my quest, my friends. That vending machine was a beautiful sight to behold--a veritable jackpot of chocolate goodness! I managed to practice some restraint and came away with just a lovely little Tastykake Chocolate Junior snackcake.

NOTE: if you don't know about Tastykakes, you have my deepest condolences. Yes, it's "Tastykake" with a "k." I wanted to post a photo here for you so that you could fully appreciate it, but Blogger is not letting me post photos at the moment. Fucking Blogger! Another post for another time.

I barely made it back to my desk before my feeding frenzy commenced. And now all is right with the world again. Sigh.

Can I get an "amen?"

Labels: food, funny stuff, health, Philadelphia, work