In My Head
This morning, on my way to work, I was nearly accosted by a turkey.
You read that right. A turkey!
I see this bird occasionally when I take Brian's "secret" way to work (aka, the back roads through a rural part of Chester County). He told me about it before but I never believed him, mostly because he said to watch out for the big bird. He didn't know it was a turkey.
I saw it for the first time a few weeks ago and almost died laughing. It's one of the ugliest things I've ever seen! But it is GINORMOUS. It really is a big bird. Usually it just hangs out on the side of this tiny, one-lane road I take, next to a very old farmhouse. I guess it's someone's pet. I think its owner lets it out in the morning to take a walk. This strikes me as hilarious, for some reason.
Anyway, like most of us in the Philadelphia region, it was having a bad morning today, but not because of the SEPTA strike. When I turned down this little, narrow road, I noticed a line of cars at the far end of the lane. This struck me as odd, since it's normally a very deserted road. Then I got up to the corner and found out why there was a backup.
This turkey decided to plant itself in the middle of the road. It waddled precariously to and fro, allowing one car at a time to pass it. Of course, when I got to the head of the line, it stopped moving and just stood there, staring directly at me. I honked my horn, hoping to frighten it off the road, but it didn't even ruffle this turkey's feathers (pun intended). Then I rolled down my window and tried to verbally shoo it away. None of my attempts got even the smallest reaction from this bird.
I glanced in my rearview mirror and saw a line of cars idling behind me. So I decided to take a more aggressive course of action. I put my car in Park, opened the door, and walked around to the front of my car. The turkey stood about 10 feet from me. I did my own version of a turkey dance, or at least what I would imagine a turkey dance to be, while saying, "Shoo, shoo, shoo..."
The turkey just looked at me. I know these things aren't known for their high IQs, but I swear that this particular bird knew exactly what it was doing. As it watched me do my little dance, it let out a high-pitched gobble at me IN DEFIANCE...
Then it lunged at me.
Man, those birds can move! For such an ungainly-looking creature, it covered a lot of distance very quickly. I squealed and jumped back into my car. Just as I slammed the door, it began pecking on my driver's window. If I had been just a moment slower, my ass would've been taking that pecking!
So this Thanksgiving, as I sink my teeth into that delicious bird, I will have a new respect for the turkey.
Labels: funny stuff, local news, Philadelphia, Philly burbs, stress, weird, work
